there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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