toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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