I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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