I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
