U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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