I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
