it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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