My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
