I think i peed on brittanys purse
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
