I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
