No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
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I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
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I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize