somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Randomize
