im six kinds of drunk right now
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
