What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
