Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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