first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
