You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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