You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
