I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
