My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Never joke about your clitoris.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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