When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
