sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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