Are we in a gay sports bar?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
