ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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