My friends, they love my intelligence
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
