its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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