I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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