Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
