wake up i wanna do it froggy style
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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