dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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