i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
