His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
