i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
