pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
