....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
