Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
