he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
