It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
