I just pynch a tree in the face
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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