I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
