she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
