I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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