oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
