she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
