Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
