hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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