Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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