Jerry, you need to find god
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
