apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
