Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
