the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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