Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
