she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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