I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
