Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
