I looked at my own cervix.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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