you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
