If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
