you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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