It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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