Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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