can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
