would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
smell my finger.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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