Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I fill condoms, not promises.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
