Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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