Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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