I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
