He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
