I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
