Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
