It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
